jokes

[ta]

Q.What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What did the sign on the door of the house say?
A: Beat it - we're closed.

Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-dough.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q: What's the definition of macho?
A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration

[ta]

Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What's the difference between a pregnant dog and a sleeper?
A. A sleeper sleeps with everybody at the party, and a pregnant dog sleeps
with everybody at the party except you.

Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie," only you do it yourself.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic!

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q. Jewish dilemma:
A. Free PORK.

Q. What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther
King Day?
A. On St. Patrick's Day, everybody wishes they were Irish.

Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.

Q. How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde, because she's 18.

Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their not a very nice person and they vapour-lock.

Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"

Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

[JungleJudy]

CTFU at some of these